Your Thoughts Are Not Always True

One of my favourite concepts in therapy is the role of thoughts in our lives. At any given time, we can have a train of thoughts that can make or break our experience. This all depends on how accurate our thoughts are.

Allow me to illustrate:

Imagine that it is your first day on the job and you want to make a good impression. You decide to bake a fresh batch of cupcakes to distribute to your co-workers as a friendly gesture. Excited to pass these around, you offer the first cupcake to Susan, the lady who works in the cubicle next to you. She takes a look at the cupcakes and declines your offer with a, “no thanks”. You may start to think, Susan is giving the new girl a hard time or Susan is just rude. As a result of these arising thoughts, your feelings/emotions start to change. You may feel offended, hurt, angry, or disappointed. Imagine how this will impact your behaviour. Maybe you’ll stop passing around cupcakes because you don’t want to get rejected again. Maybe you’ll throw your cupcakes out because who brings cupcakes to their first day of work? Maybe you’ll decide to ignore Susan for the rest of the day, perhaps even the week. Who needs Susan anyway? 

But now let's look at it from a different point of view. Let's challenge our initial thought of, "Susan is giving the new girl a hard time" and replace it with something that may be more realistic. Maybe Susan just isn't hungry for cupcakes right now. After all, does anyone have a sweet tooth on a Monday morning when they are still waking up? With this new thought, the resulting emotions and actions are different. You will no longer feel offended, but maybe a little embarrassed for coming off too strong. Since you're feeling silly, you'll put your cupcakes away and save them to hand out during lunch, when it is most appropriate. You may even leave them in the break room. 

You'll notice that in both cases, the situation stayed the same, but it's your interpretation of the situation that changed and caused changes in our emotions and behaviours. The next time you start to feel upset, hurt, angry, whatever negative emotion, ask yourself if your interpretation needs to be changed. Maybe your interpretation is flawed and needs to be challenged. What evidence is there to prove to you that your thoughts are accurate? 

Remember: Your thoughts are not always true. It's up to you to play detective, gather clues, and piece the situation together to see if your thoughts are grounded in reality. If they're not, change up your thoughts to something that is realistic, balanced, and accurate.