The Rule of Five
If you recall from my earlier blog post, Modern Day Fight or Flight, you'll remember that anger is an instinctual response to threat. It is a reaction that is so quick that the "thinking"part of your brain just doesn't have enough time to think about what to do next. Instead, our primitive reptilian brain kicks in and we succumb to our animalistic nature. If that's the case, it almost feels like we are doomed to express these inappropriate anger responses...but that's not true. Remember, anger is not a choice. It's something that occurs automatically and naturally. What you do about it is up to you.
The Rule of 5 is a great anger management intervention that not only helps you pick and choose your battles, it also helps you recognize that many of your triggers can be eliminated. The Rule of 5 is as follows:
If it won't matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes on it
Let's test it out
Scene One
You are waiting in a lineup at the cash register and you are in a hurry to leave because you did not pay for street parking and you want to get to your car before you get a ticket. The lady in front of you pulls out several coupons, examining each one. It looks like you are going to be there for a while.
Apply the Rule of Five: You're getting annoyed because you want to get to your car ASAP and this lady is holding you up. Is this very moment going to matter in five years? Will getting a ticket matter in five years? No. So let's not spend more than five minutes stewing about this.
Scene Two
You are waiting at an intersection at a red light. You see the light turn green and before you even have the chance to set your foot on the gas pedal, the driver behind you honks.
Apply the Rule of Five: An impatient driver just honked at you. Is this moment going to matter in five years? No. So let's not ruin the rest of our drive and limit this anger to only five minutes.
Scene Three
You just found a bag of drugs stashed under your daughter's bed. This discovery comes with a note from the school saying that she has failed half of her courses and will have to repeat them in the summer.
Apply the Rule of Five: So your daughter is taking drugs and is doing terribly at school, all without your knowledge. Is this moment going to matter in five years? Absolutely. You should definitely be upset about this. Now that you see that your anger is warranted, what are you going to do about it? Use this as an opportunity to problem solve.
Using the Rule of Five can help you pick and choose the battles that are worth fighting. This easy to use tool is right at your fingertips, requires very little thinking, and can help eliminate many triggers.