When Self-Care Doesn't Work
When I was in grad school, taking my final course in Trauma Counselling, Lesson One literally had nothing to do with counselling. It had nothing to do with what happens in the therapy room and the techniques that need to be done. Instead, Lesson One was about self-care. In the line of work that we do, we hear about terrible incidents in the lives of others and when we practice empathy in session, we feel the emotional pain our clients go through. As much as we try to separate ourselves from these narratives, new (and old) practicing therapists struggle with this sometimes. And so, the school thought it was a great idea to introduce self-care practices. Problem was 1) I thought I was immune to this and therefore did not need self-care; 2) Self-care was made to look so time consuming, I didn't think I could fit it into my schedule, even if I wanted.
Well, long story short, I found out I wasn't immune (darn) and it really did need to be worked into my schedule.
The problem that I was having about self-care was that it was always glamourized and made me come to believe that it was something that required 3 hours of time. As a young grad, I simply didn't think I had the luxury of finding three hours to sit in a tub of warm water while rose petals floated around and I was sucked into an episode of KUWTK (Yes, this is my idea of night in). Even when I spoke to my supervisor about this "self-care" I was told to hit up a yoga studio and have an hour of silent stretching and controlled breathing. Why not try getting your nails done or go for a quick walk? she would say. All great ideas, for sure, but easily time consuming. Sure, yoga is only an hour - but it takes half an hour to get there, complete my class, get stuck in traffic while I drive home, shower, and knock out. Na Ima stay out of that. That's easily 2-3 hours of my day. That's too long.
So, I'm in a dilemma. I need a self-care solution that isn't time consuming but gets the job done in a strong, impacting way. I think what made self-care seem so daunting was that these suggested acts were done on a large scale. I felt that if I didn't follow through on these tasks (which were time and energy consuming and therefore not sustainable), I was failing this self-care thing. If I can't practice self-care, then how do I expect my clients to do it?
According to the 2014 definition of self care by the World Health Organization, self care is the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote, maintain health, prevent disease and to cope with illness with or without the support of a health care provider. Self care encompasses several issues including hygiene, nutrition, lifestyle, environmental and socio-economic factors. See that? SEVERAL ISSUES. This means that self-care is much broader than simply hitting the gym or sitting in a bath tub. It's much more than that. It requires you to take a holistic approach to creating your self-care strategy. Something as simple as making sure you drink 2 L of water a day is part of self-care. Not something you would have thought of right? But consider this.
Regular hydration positively impacts your energy and brain function, making you feel ready to take on and complete tasks. By naturally creating this energy within you to complete tasks, you feel confident and ready to take on the next one. Looking at your completed To Do List reinforces your abilities, creating positive self-talk and motivation. This then creates a need to remain healthy and motivated, which impacts your food choices, further creating this "feel good" feeling. Eventually you find yourself creating lifestyle changes where you end up carrying your water bottle everywhere, which serves as a constant reminder to practice self-care. Imagine that, all this self-care simply by choosing to drink more water. This is a great example of how you don't have to dedicate a chunk of 3 hours out of your day to practice self-care, but to make small, deliberate changes that is the equivalent.
With all that in mind, what self-care routine did I settle on? It's simple.
Enjoy a cup of coffee with breakfast every morning
Get at least 7 hours of sleep
Have a podcast ready to go on the bus/car ride to work. Podcasts are either mentally stimulating or just funny
Take the stairs where possible
Drink water
Carry my journal everywhere in the event I really need to write down my thoughts
Walk around with headphones on so no one talks to me
And that's it. Aside from sleeping, none of these activities take too much time out of my day, yet when I add these little habits up, I'm sure they take up a significant amount of time, all while not disrupting my usual work habits. This has worked for me! What has worked for you?