A Letter from an angry therapist
Firstly, I don’t want this post to garner sympathy for me, but for awareness and education.
We know that COVID-19 has been a part of our lives for over a year now and I’m tired of the ups and downs I’m having with my hopes over the whole situation. When the world first shut down, some saw it as an opportunity to work on things that we’ve neglected to do due to our busy lives. Home Depot ran out of lumber because everyone was working on home renovation projects, our social media was flooded with pictures of baked goods and mixed cocktail drinks, parks were littered with all walks of life, new hobbies were developed, new interests emerged and we all did our best to make good out of a bad situation. Well, that was short-lived.
I felt hopeful near the end of summer seeing the numbers in Toronto approaching the low double digits. It was just a matter of time before vaccines arrive and we can finally get back to normal because, no matter how you spin it, “new normal” sucks.
But no, numbers started to rise with schools reopening and eventually things shut down again. Despite the ups and downs of our COVID numbers, do you know what’s constantly been on the rise at an alarming rate? The number of people experiencing anxiety and depression. No surprise there.
I’ve never been as busy as I am right now. As much as I’ve tried to balance work and rest, my inbox is constantly replenished by e-mails from individuals who are struggling with isolation, loneliness, COVID-anxiety, interpersonal issues and a whole new list of issues that they don’t prepare you for in graduate school.
And it’s not just me. Forbes recently published an article discussing how burn out is very much a reality that we are facing collectively as a profession. We are seeing an uptick in the number of sessions we hold in a week, more requests for frequent sessions and very few cancellations. How wild is it to refuse new clients, refer them out, only to find out that your own network is saturated? Ontario already has a less than ideal mental health care system (or non-existent), where does one turn when even private practitioners are turning down new clients? Who do you turn to?
At the top of this pandemic, I’ve casually stated that the shutdown will be a struggle for my extroverted clients, as we are learning to adapt to an introverts world, but what does it mean when even the introverts are fed up with the state of the pandemic? It breaks my heart to learn that for some of my clients, our appointments are their only opportunity to go out and speak to someone. Anyone.
Being a psychotherapist during a pandemic has exposed me to new dilemmas that I wouldn’t have imagined. Dealing with grief during a pandemic is a new one for me. How do I console someone who has lost a loved one to COVID-19 even though they themselves have been following the rules? My clients are angry that the actions of those who throw caution to the wind can directly impact their family in a big way. How do I console someone who has lost a loved one in an accident and didn’t get the chance to say a proper goodbye due to attendance restrictions at the burial site?
What words do I have for the man who has just learned that he’ll have to stay overnight at the hospital after undergoing major surgery, but would have to spend the night alone because visitors are not permitted? What can I do for the woman who keeps getting her surgery postponed because it’s deemed non-essential? Only we know that this surgery makes the difference between her ability to go back to work or remaining unemployed. Who’s going to cover her bills now?
To my clients who are pharmacists - I sound so insensitive when I emphasize self-care during a long work day when they’re busy with learning the ins and outs of procuring vaccines, constantly learning and re-learning about vaccines, answering so many questions from their panicked patients and administering vaccines. Who am I to tell them to practice self-care, like they already don’t know it?
I’ve met so many of my client’s children virtually in this time. Not by choice. Our sessions are interrupted by their children knocking at their door asking for a snack or attention. It saddens me to see my clients cry to themselves then quickly wipe their tears as their 6-year old walks into the room and asks to say “Hi” to mommy’s friend on the phone. These parents are playing triple duty; working from home, helping their kids pay attention with online learning, and maintaining a household.
It’s not just parents who are struggling with online schooling. What about our teachers? Our teachers are burnt out trying to cram an entire curriculum in a short period of time, designing activities that will keep their students engaged, and are pulling long days beyond school hours to prepare for the next and to ensure that their students are set up for success. Add that stress to the ever changing expectations by the school board and dealing with students who are expressing their own anxieties.
What words do I have for the woman sitting across from me who is accepting that their “larger than life” dreams are going to be on hold indefinitely until things settle down? What do I tell my 68-year old client when he tells me that he hasn’t hugged his granddaughter since she was born? How do I convince my clients in first year of university that this is not what their university experience is supposed to be like?
These are all unique problems that we’ve never had to experience and as much I want to help my clients and play a supportive role, I’m tired of hearing myself trying to make the best out of a really shitty situation.
COVID-19 is affecting the lives of everyday people and it’s the every day person that’s making it difficult to get back to our beloved old norm. People! Wear your masks! Stay home! Maintain physical distance! Get vaccinated! Your mental health and of others is counting on it. The sooner we bring these numbers down, the sooner we can bring back our old norm. You can’t seriously love the state that we’re in and think that it’s ok to continue this way. Change needs to happen in a monumental way and it’s only possible when we play our part.
The next pandemic is not physical, but mental, and we.are.not.ready.