I’m Tryin’ Not to Think About You

As I'm making my way to work and tune into my favourite radio show, Roz and Mocha, I'm delighted to hear that Selena Gomez has released a new song, Bad Liar. I'm a sucker for cheesy lyrics combined with an upbeat as I roll my windows down and enjoy the much needed warm spring breeze. I focus on the lyrics, trying to catch the pattern so that I can easily sing along to it, but my inner therapist stops me. The lyrics, they're wrong. They're not practical. They're sending the wrong message.

Oh I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to think about you
No, no, no, no, not to think about you
No, no, no, no, I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Oh tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin', I'm tryin'
Not to give in to you
No, no, no, no, not to give in to you

This is a classic example of the irony of thought suppression. In social psychology, we are taught that the more you tell yourself not to think about something, the more and more you end up thinking about it. Do me a favour, for the next 15 seconds, don't think about a pink elephant.

I'll wait
(15 seconds later)

Were you able to do it? Most likely not. A pink elephant entered your mind as soon as I said pink elephant and you couldn't shake the image, no matter how hard you tried. This is due to two mental processes at work. One mental process provides an image of a pink elephant (so that you know what you're not supposed to look for) and the other process is responsible for checking to see if you are completing the task correctly. Obviously, in order to do so, you have to think about the pink elephant and then re-think about the pink elephant to see if you are completing the task. 

This is exactly why Selena Gomez is a bad liar. No matter how much she tries to not think about this person, she ends up thinking about him more and more. It's not possible. A better approach, according to Eastern Psychology, is to actually acknowledge it. Go ahead, think about the pink elephant. Pay lots of attention to it. The more you acknowledge it, even though you know you don't want to, it loses it's power over you. It loses it's ability to take over your mental processes. The magnitude of this pink elephant eventually disappears.

A better alternative for Selena would be to acknowledge her feelings and temptations toward this guy. Acknowledge that she feels a type of way about him and that these feelings will not have control over her. Stare at those feelings head on and show it that you're not afraid of it. 

This same technique can be used after a bad break up. Rather than avoiding thinking about your ex-partner or the associated painful memories, acknowledge them. Show your emotions that you're not afraid. Show your emotions that you are strong enough to conquer them. Over time, you'll notice that the magnitude of these emotions eventually die down and you can go back to your regular day to day functioning.  

So go on, don't be a bad liar. Quit denying your feelings and acknowledge them. Let it know, "I see you, but you aint gonna bother me"