The Accountable Friend-An Update

How do I keep my friends accountable?

Last week I wrote about my friend Paul who had recently won a contest in which he is entitled to a free month membership to a fitness bootcamp. Now, Paul has a pesky habit of setting goals but not sticking to them. Despite this opportunity, I was wary that he would eventually slack off and not attend for the full duration. Just like us all, Paul starts strong with his goals and his motivation eventually peters out. This time around, I thought I should take on the role of Paul's accountable friend. In my previous post, I had presented Paul with a set of questions to help me understand how I can best support him. Here are his answers:

1. Set a goal - What do you hope to achieve with this bootcamp? What is the SMART goal here?

S: Get back in shape, drop down to 150 lbs
M: Achieve 150lbs
A: Yes because I will do this by the end of November
R: Go to the gym three times a week which will help be get into a healthy lifestyle
T:  One month to get in the routine

2. Why is this goal so important to you, both on a short and long-term basis?

Short Term: Lose weight
Long Term: Good health

3. How can we break down your goals into micro-goals to make sure that you are staying on track?

Eating healthy
Exercising
Better sleep
Reduced drinking

4. How can you tell you're unmotivated? Where do you feel it in your body? In your thoughts?

Too tired, long work hours, when I am taking the stairs I can feel I’m out of shape

5. Under what conditions do you feel unmotivated? What has to occur for you to feel unmotivated/lazy?

I would say I have the motivation, just lacking the time. However, there are days where I’m too tired after work that I’m lazy to go.

6. What do you need from me, a supportive friend?

Checking in, keep me accountable, go to the gym together 

7. How do we celebrate your little wins?

Cheat meal

8. How often would you like me to check-in with you? How often is too often? How often is too little?

On gym days, never too much, I might be dead without a check in every 24 hours LOL

9.What are some things that I should look out for to determine if you need a little extra motivation?

Making excuses, not going to the gym, going out for drink

10. What does "extra motivation" look like?

Incentives like eat healthy twice a day and maybe have a lighter workout

Based on Paul's answers, I have devised a strategy in becoming an accountable friend that best suits Paul. Paul and I have the habit of messaging each other in the morning and occasionally during the day. I will use our morning conversations as my "check in" into what he has planned for the day and to keep track as to whether he has scheduled gym time. He is to commit to at least 3 gym days and so it will be my job to make sure he hits that goal by keeping track of his gym record. It is implied that each visit to the gym is at least 45 minutes in duration. It seems that Paul has the motivation to be healthy and go to the gym, however, his energy level seems to his hurdle for change. With this in mind, we can make sure that Paul eats the right kind of food during the day. It doesn't help that Paul works in the service industry and therefore is tempted to eat the wrong kinds of food, but with a pep talk and reminder in the morning, it will be more tempting for Paul to make the right decisions. In addition, Paul can send me pictures of his meals so that I can either applaud his healthy food choices or encourage him to put down that slice of cake.  In terms of his alcohol intake, I propose that he can go out for drinks with co-workers for 2 nights a week with a maximum of two drinks per night. If he happens to go out with this co-workers for more than two nights, he is to avoid alcohol on those occasions. 

In an effort to reward Paul with his progress, I can agree that if Paul makes it to the gym six times within two weeks, we can meet for a cheat meal of his choosing, provided that this cheat meal does not include alcohol. He can even be reminded that since he was able to eat 2/3 healthy meals, he can reward himself with a lighter workout.

If I sense that Paul is making excuses for avoiding the gym, he has given me permission to go hard on him. That is, he will allow me to be "disappointed in his behaviour" and therefore will be motivated to get to the gym. In addition, Paul is to give me permission to not make any excuses for him. That is, I am never to say that he is too tired to go to the gym and that he should stay home.

Let's see if Paul agrees to the above or if he has to make any adjustments or changes. It is important that both of us are on the same page/understanding in order to keep Paul on track. Imagine what would happen if Paul didn't like me going hard on him. Not only does that demotivate him, it also disrupts our friendship. He needs to first understand that this is part of being that accountable friend. Paul also needs to see the amount of work that will go into achieving this goal. Yes, sending pictures of food to me can be time consuming, especially if I disapprove of what he eats, but ultimately this is part of the process. In addition, the onus is on Paul to be honest with his progress - he can't be sending me pictures of carrots but eat a Big Mac on the side.

Updates to follow!