Therapy Tips Mini-Series: Therapy Red Flags

For our last post for Empathic Counselling Centre's "Therapy Tips" Mini-Series, we decided that our readers should be aware of some red flags that they may encounter in therapy. Committing to the therapeutic process may be new for some and therefore have very little experience differentiating between "good therapy" and "bad therapy". It's somewhat obvious to tell if therapy is going well: you feel good at the end of every session, you believe that you are making progress, your relationships are improving, you have goals and you're working on them etc. However, not many of us know about the dark side of therapy- where therapists have not refined their skills and fall into bad habits. Here is a list of red flags to look out for:

1. Your therapist keeps talking about themselves- As part of therapy, counsellors are allowed to discuss certain matters in their lives so long as it is applicable to the content of the session and if it is of value. We call this self-disclosure. However, if this is done too often, the focus of the session is no longer about you, it's about your therapist. You'll eventually find yourself in the therapist's chair. If you're finding that there is excessive self-disclosure, RED FLAG.

2. You have no idea what your therapy goals are and if you are achieving them - Usually within the first two sessions, goals for therapy are outlined. You know exactly what aspects of your life you want to work on and, specifically, the behavioural changes you want to make. However, if this isn't explicitly stated in session, how could you tell if you are making any progress? Is your time spent in session of any value to you? RED FLAG.

3. A lot of time is spent talking about unrelated issues - For whatever reason, some therapists like to use your session time as a time for conversation. There is a place for that - after session. Even still, ethically, we are to keep conversations outside of therapy to a minimum as it can show our bias to clients. Let's say you're a supporter of a certain political group and your therapist is not. Even though that may not be relevant to the issues that you discuss in therapy, this new information may colour the way you see your therapist, thus ruining the therapeutic relationship. If your therapist insists on talking to you about matters outside of therapy, RED FLAG.

4. You're feeling judged- Therapy is a safe place. It is a place that is designed to allow you to reveal your true feelings without the worry that you are being judged. If you're noticing that your therapist is giving you an odd look after you have just revealed a big secret or if they're telling you that you're wrong, you are being judged. If your therapist disagrees with your decision or if they think that God would not agree with your actions, you are being judged. If this is the case: RED FLAG

​5. Imposing their own religious beliefs on you- This has actually happened to me by a doctor at a walk-in clinic. I needed to see someone about a rash I was forming on my stomach and when I showed it to her, firstly, she laughed, and then after telling me to "rub some Polysporin on it" she told me to pray to [insert the name of her religious entity] about it and it would be better. It was rude, un-empathic, and irrelevant. Just like how it would be if a therapist was to impose their religious beliefs onto you, especially if you don't follow the same religion, share the same view, or don't care about theological ideas. This takes you out of the focus of therapy and that is a RED FLAG

​6. Your therapist is constantly writing notes - Notes are helpful here and there but if your therapist is constantly writing, they're not really giving you 100% of their attention. They are more focused on ensuring that they jot everything down. But, if their eyes are glued onto their notepad, they miss an opportunity to read your body language and other non-verbal cues. This goes to show that your therapist is not focused on you. RED FLAG.

If you're finding that your therapist is practicing any of these red flags, it's OK to let them know that it is an issue for you. Remember that therapists are human too and capable of making mistakes. If any of the above occur here and there and it doesn't upset you, I would let it pass. However, if you are finding that it is occurring too frequently, it is a cause for concern. Speak to your therapist about making adjustments to their counselling style- some even welcome this as feedback is helpful in improving our practice. BUT, if you find that they are being defensive and cannot handle the criticism... RED FLAG