Better Ways to Answer, "How are you?"

Let's set up a scenario. You are on the subway on a groggy Monday morning and as the car door opens at the arriving station, you see Becky, someone who you went to university with, enter through them. As she walks by, you tap her shoulder to get her attention. She turns around and immediately recognizes you. Then this conversation happens:

Becky: Hey! Oh my gosh! It's been forever since I've seen you. How are you?

You: I'm great! How are things with you?

Becky: They're going good too! Just busy!

and so on and so forth...

But are things actually going great? Are you sure that this conversation didn't just interrupt you from your "I don't want to go to work because I hate everyone there" train of thought? Maybe you caught Becky at a time where she's listening to Adele and lost in her feelings over a recent break-up. The truth is, the phrase how are you has become synonymous to Hello. Think about the last time you used this phrase. Were you really ​that curious to know how they were? I find that this question is really just a conversation filler and we don't really expect a real answer to it. Imagine the look on Becky's face if you were to tell her exactly what was on your mind at that very moment.

It has become a societal norm of masking our true feelings. We are expected to always be positive and to prevent our emotions from getting to us. If we did, we would only be showing the world our vulnerability and "weaknesses". There's also a fear of what others would think of us if we were to expose that raw side. How would Becky take it if I told her about my issues with my co-workers? Would Becky be comfortable telling me about her breakup and how she's having difficulty handling it?

Let's see if we can change that trend a little. Get into the habit of avoiding defaulting to your typical response to "How are you?". Show others that you are comfortable with sharing a piece of your life and then make an honest inquiry about theirs.

So for the next time someone asks you, "How are you?" hit them back with this:

If things aren't actually going well-

1. Oh you know, just the same ol' universe toying with me again

2. It's a bit of a roller coaster and I'm currently on my way down

3. Luck is just not on my side these days

4. I could be better.. a lot better

[Here's me sharing an honest moment with y'all. As I am writing these down, I am imagining myself in these scenarios and literally cringing at the thought of saying these things. But hey, Gandhi said to be the change you want to see in the world, so why not?]

and if things are going really well for you-

1. Life is treating me just fine

2. I am the happiest I can be

3. I can't complain.

4. I was on a bit of a roller coaster but I'm making my way up

5. Things are looking up for me.

When you're on the receiving end of this, take in what you have just heard and follow-up. I know you're usually not expecting an honest answer, especially if the other has told you that they're not doing great, but hey, what a perfect opportunity for a genuine social interaction. In sharing our vulnerabilities, we are actually building strength. By providing a listening ear to someone in need, we are developing empathy and compassion. It's a win-win.

So go ahead, ask me. Ask me how I'm doing.

My answer just might surprise you.