Third Wheel Tag Along: Your Cellphone

I read an amazing blog post entitled, Technology, the Third Wheel of your Relationship by Kelly Bishop from the Thought Catalogue. Bishop opens your eyes to how consumed we are by technology that it deprives you from being fully present and fully attentive to the people you choose the spend your time with. But are you really choosing to spend your time with them? I would argue no.

Picture going to dinner with a loved one. Sure, you're conversing with them and talking about your day, but then you hear your phone vibrate and it's a notification that you have been tagged in a picture. Now you're curious. In the time that you have glanced at your phone, looked at the notification, and pondered about what picture you were tagged in, you have taken time away from your loved one. Then, you spend more time thinking about whether it's appropriate to open this notification now or if you should wait for the night to be over.

Take in another scenario. Your partner and you decide to take it easy one night and choose to catch up on your favourite show on Netflix. As you are soaked in by the latest Olivia Pope dilemma, your phone lights up and it's a WhatsApp message from your friend asking you what you're doing. You innocently pick up your phone and begin texting away how Ms. Pope has really got her hands tied with this alleged murderer. But, in the time that you are writing away, you're wondering why your partner is chuckling- obviously you've just missed a zinger from Cyrus.

What about first thing in the morning? Instead of greeting the day, we turn to our notifications and updates. What happened in the world while I was asleep to it? Who messaged me while I was dreaming? What did Jeffery have to say about my suggestions to the report changes? We have this need to be updated before we are even fully conscious of what's happening around us in our own bedrooms. We forget to greet our loved ones who may be sleeping next to us. We neglect eating breakfast because we spent a little too long staring at memes in bed.

Even though we are physically present around the people around us, we are not actually present. To be present means to be there physically, mentally, and emotionally. Neglecting one means to fail all. That's not to say toss your phone out and call it a day. Leave your phone out of sight. Leave it in your pocket, your handbag, or even faced down.

Say no to notifications and vibrations. Say yes to you and those who choose to spend their valuable time with you.