Thoughts on FOMO
FOMO, the Fear of Missing Out. Have you experienced it? Chances are that you have at some point. If you're not sure as to what it is, FOMO is this uncomfortable feeling that arises within us when we feel like we are either being left out or we compare our lives to others and feel that we are lacking in some way. FOMO can also be experienced when we fear that we will miss out on an opportunity that will later cause feelings of regret.
In reflecting on FOMO, I tried to think of moments where FOMO influenced my decisions and the discomfort that it gave me. Though this is a small example, I think it fits. I personally don't enjoy bridal showers. I think that it's an unnecessary occasion, especially if there's going to be a bachelorette party shortly afterwards. I've been to one and it was enough for me to know that I didn't want to attend another. With that being said, I was recently invited to both a bridal shower and bachelorette party for the same individual. I really wanted to skip the bridal shower but I was hesitant to make that decision. Why? Well, all my friends were going to be there and I was having some serious FOMO. I didn't want to feel left out later if my friends were to have inside jokes from the event. My imagination jumped to visualizing them all having a good time and I wasn't there to share the moment. I also knew that my social media would be plastered with pictures of the event and it would be a constant reminder of what I was missing...but at the same time, I knew that if I was there, I wouldn't want to be there. I would be itching to go home, jump into my bed and binge watch Scandal.
It's human nature to want to feel included. If our peers are together having a good time, we would like to feel like we are a part of that group. Our fear of exclusion is what drives FOMO. But this is just part of the story. FOMO has become popularized through the use of social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, are all reminders of what we are not. In browsing through these platforms, we are constantly comparing ourselves to what others choose to put out there. Think of all the glamourous vacation pictures we see out there, don't we develop FOMO with this? With all the filters that we're exposed to, I definitely develop FOMO. Why can't I be blessed with a big butt like that? I wish my hair was as full as hers. All the good times people share - engagements, weddings, babies, new houses, new jobs, new relationships, fancy dinner and drinks, and so on. Sometimes we feel that our lives are bland and unsuccessful in comparison. We develop FOMOL - the Fear Of Missing Out in Life
Obviously FOMO doesn't make us feel good. So what's the antidote?
It's JOMO
The Joy of Missing Out. Believe it or not, there is joy when we choose to miss out. I'm pretty confident that even if I decided to attend the bridal shower, my eyes would be glued to the clock, waiting for the event to end. The solution to FOMO is to make a decision that you're going to be happy with. Weigh your pros and cons and convince yourself that FOMO doesn't have to influence your decision. Putting pen to paper and physically seeing your cons outweigh your pros is evidence enough that your FOMO doesn't have to be so strong. The JOMO that we create for ourselves comes from our PROs list.
What about social media? How do you combat FOMO when browsing through social media? Well, there are two ways that we can go about this. 1) Realize that you only see what's in the frame. In a classic vacation picture, you only see the nice stuff. You don't see beyond the frame that might be holding the "non-picture worthy" aspect of the scene. I remember being on vacation and trying to take a picture while avoiding the pile of garbage that was in the frame. Eventually, I just had to crop it out. There was also the time that I had to time the picture perfectly so that I can avoid having tourists in the shot just to make the scene look serene.
Exhibit A
Seen: Me on Rialto Bridge in Venice on a nice sunny September day. Very pretty, yes?
Not Seen: The person immediately to my left, less than a meter from me striking the same pose. Also not seen, the stray dog that's resting close to my feet, flocks of pigeons dropping deuces and the hundreds of tourists walking by. This picture is not as serene as you think it is.
Option 2 is to filter out your social media contacts. Maybe purge your following list to a select few that don't induce FOMO within you. Unfollow those who overly share. Unfriend those who go on and on about how great their lives are. Somehow we're made to feel bad about this. But why? You're doing this to improve your mental health.
Finally, FOMO doesn't have to be all that bad. You can use FOMO as a driving force for change. If you're having FOMO with seeing everyone's vacation pictures, use that as motivation to travel. Take your own vacation picture! If you're feeling like everyone else is moving on up, use that drive to jump into your work and work harder. Turn that negative feeling that FOMO gives you into motivation!